


The Rise and Fall of Makoto Naegi

by n43g1



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bullying, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Togami Byakuya Being An Asshole, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28549362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n43g1/pseuds/n43g1
Summary: Looking back on it all, Makoto Naegi realizes that he shouldn't have let the 'Ultimate Hope' thing get to his head.
Relationships: Maizono Sayaka/Naegi Makoto, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	1. the ultimate hope

**Author's Note:**

> this was just something i thought up this morning and i thought it would be a fun idea to try and write! it's not really a fun idea, but more like interesting. i hope readers enjoy!
> 
> also so sorry to leon stans, i really just imagine him to be dealing with a severe comphet type of thing(hence the tag)!
> 
> or if yall hate leon he could honestly just be apart of "the boys🥶🤬😎"

The Ultimate Hope wasn't something Makoto liked to call himself.

It made him seem like a dick. It made him feel like a dick.

Even so, it made him feel powerful.

Now, that feeling made him sick to his stomach.

Makoto wondered why he ever got high off of that feeling.

~ 

Makoto was sprawled out on a couch that was far too expensive and far too uncomfortable. He'd been thinking a lot lately. Some thoughts were pointless thoughts, like when he thought about why he'd never gotten a cat like he wanted, or why he never visited his parents' graves anymore.

Some thoughts made his head hurt. They frustrated him when he couldn't answer the questions he was asking himself and it made him want to cry and scream and he wanted someone, anyone, to tell him that he was alright.

But now he was alone and unhappy in his not-so-old age and he wondered why he never told 'the boy' he loved him. He wondered why he ever made friends with Sayaka.

Sayaka Maizono.

It all started with Sayaka Maizono.

~

Maizono was always a happy-go-lucky girl. So persistent, too. Everybody in their class loved her and the teachers absolutely adored her; she was a teacher's pet but not in a weird way. Some girls wanted to be her. Some boys wanted to be with her. Makoto Naegi was not one of those boys. One day she came to Naegi with a proposal— she'd teach him how to sing. Makoto declined, at first.

Sayaka seemingly relied on her persistence and eventually, it was enough to get him to at least consider having her train his voice. Makoto wondered what on Earth she was thinking and even questioned her too. She couldn't respond to that with one of her usual jokes about being a psychic and instead stammered for an answer. She came up with some bullshit response and Makoto accepted it for the most part, but he was still.. skeptical. After about a week of pondering over it, he finally accepted, mostly out of pure boredom, and she was more than excited. She wouldn't stop telling anybody and everybody about how big of a star he would become. To those who laughed in response, she'd tell them that he'd be going on tours and signing record deals in months. Makoto had to tell her to stop at some point, as amusing as it was, and with a bit of his own persistence, she accepted it and they got to work on Makoto's voice.

Sayaka may have really been a psychic.

He thought that maybe she could have been manifesting something. Makoto didn't really believe in manifestation, if he was being honest— but with the way she spoke about Makoto 'being on his way to stardom' and how he would eventually become a star, it really sounded like she believed it was true. Makoto even started to believe it at some point, too.

What if he did become a star?

There were clear improvements after a week of this 'voice training boot-camp'— that was Sayaka's name for it. She was.. well, a little turned off by the way his voice sounded when they were simply seeing what his vocal range was. His voice cracked horribly and she put him on a diet of nothing but hot lemon water for a few days after that. Was this the life that idols lived? When he asked her about it she chuckled in response and never gave him a straight answer. It was a little disheartening to hear, coming from an idol herself, but he coughed to clear the awkward silence that hung in the air before their session started for the day.

~

Makoto thought about a lot more things over the course of the days he spent on that couch. God, was it fucking uncomfortable, but he was too sad and pissed off at himself to move. He thought he deserved this. Why wouldn't he? Of course he deserved this.

But.. why?

Makoto couldn't remember why he deserved this.

Was he already losing his mind? He couldn't have been that old. No, of course not.. he wasn't old.

Right?

Ah, maybe he deserved this, too.

~

They started off practice with one of Sayaka's songs. Sure, Makoto may not have been able to sing it as well as her, he still did pretty well for a guy. The song was originally sung in a much higher key and not played on a piano, which was all they had at school and the only real instrument Sayaka knew how to play; she considered her throat to be an 'instrument' too, so they had to make do with what they had.

He wasn't sure how long they worked on that one song, but it had to have been more than a week for multiple hours a day. That whole lemon water thing helped his throat from becoming sore and his voice becoming hoarse. She put him back on a diet of only that for another week and Makoto felt like he was going to die. Sayaka's so-called recipe was a life saver, as much as it hurt Makoto, and he only did it because he didn't want to see her blow up on him like he saw her blow up on Leon last week for calling Naegi an 'amateur' after she showed Kuwata a video of him singing. She was personally insulted by that statement and it almost ended with her tearing his eyes out- Makoto restrained her and told her it was okay before they headed off to practice again.

After hearing what Leon said, Sayaka started cracking down on fuck-ups.

If she heard Makoto's voice break in the middle of a song, she'd make him start over. If he forgot the words to a song, she'd make him write them down at least 10 times over. The list went on and on.

If this was what being an idol was like, why was Sayaka forcing it onto him so hard? Is this the life she wanted him to have?

Enough was enough for Sayaka at one point, he guessed. She was sick of him screwing up and sick of him not being good enough. She slammed her hands down on the piano keys and Makoto dropped the microphone he was singing into, his hands flying to cover his ears. She must've forgotten about his sensitivity to loud noises.

"WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS?" She screamed, and he cowered back as tears filled his eyes. He cupped his hands over his ears harder and he felt so helpless as he stood there and just.. took it.

He felt so small- so much smaller than he usually felt as she yelled at him. When she was finally done, she told him to fuck off and he did just that. Makoto grabbed his school bag and went home for the weekend.

She apologized over text that evening and Makoto set her an "it's okay" in return. He ignored her following response about what song to sing next —she was suggesting an American song— and he didn't have the energy for it. On Monday, the cycle repeated and they went back to practicing.

Some part of Makoto Naegi wished he'd never laid eyes on Sayaka Maizono.

~

Makoto finally turned over onto his side, groaning. His joints ached and it felt like he hadn't moved in years. He heard the bones in his legs and his back crack and it hurt and felt so good at the same time.

He didn't react to the pain he felt. It felt minor compared to the headache he had right now just trying to sort through his jumbled mess of a brain. Could he even call it a brain anymore?

With how many drugs he'd taken and was currently on, he was surprised his brain hadn't turned to mush by now.

He reached for the remote on the glass coffee table in front of him and the couch. It felt so far away and yet he managed to grab it, getting all happy for once when he did. Of course, the universe couldn't let Makoto have that, though. The sharp pain in his head returned and he winced, flicking on the television and laying his head back down to the pillow. His arm went limp and he regretted dropping the remote on the ground because he knew it'd be a bitch to get when he needed it next.

Ah, when was the last time he showered?

He grabbed the collar of his shirt and brought it up to his nose. Makoto inhaled and dropped the shirt, closing his eyes tight and burying his head into the couch pillow. Ew. He needed a shower.

Gross.

~

"Have you just tried.. practicing at home?" Komaru asked a couple weeks later, sitting on the edge of his bed while he did homework at his desk. "I mean– this is Sayaka Maizono we're talking about here! Literally anybody would kill to have her train you! I would kill to have her train me!" Komaru stood up and walked over, patting him on the back. "I just know that it would make her happy, is all.." She talked as if Makoto was oblivious to the obsession she had to Sayaka. She talked about the idol constantly.

Komaru left his room with another few unimportant words of advice- she just didn't say anything worth remembering. Not anything new. Makoto rolled his eyes and looked down at his homework again, and stared at the question he was stuck on before getting frustrated and giving up. He paced his room until it was time for bed, trying to think up a solution as he started drifting off to sleep. It kept him up all night and he didn't remember falling asleep.

The following weeks at school were hard to keep track of. They all felt the same.

He and Sayaka would carry out the same routine, and every couple of weeks she would blow up on him like the first time. She'd scream and tell him what she truly felt; she'd tell him that she hated him and how stupid he was. She'd say that he was never supposed to be born and Makoto would always forgive her.

Why?

"I'm sure she didn't mean it like that," Komaru brushed it off when Makoto went to her about it. Once again, he felt so helpless, and so small.

~

Makoto got breakfast with Sayaka not that long ago. She still acted the same. She almost looked the same too. She would've looked better if it weren't for the wrinkles in her forehead from stress and the smile lines on her cheeks.

He didn't remember focusing on a girl's looks all that much before all of this started.

Was this why he deserved what was happening to him?

Well, anyway, not the point.

Sayaka told him that he acted the way he did in highschool in her usual, sweet tone. He asked her what that meant.

"Well, you know.." She said as if he would catch on, but he never did.

"No, I don't know.."

She huffed. "I mean- like- your brain still works like that."

Makoto's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about what she meant by that. "Like.. what?"

"It's like your brain is made of rocks, silly!" She tried to play it off as a joke and laughed after saying it. She even sounded the same too. It was almost like nails on a chalkboard.

"Oh."

She called a waiter over and they ordered.

What did he order again?

~

The first time he heard someone call him the 'Ultimate Hope' was after a talent show Sayaka made him participate in. "Why even bother practicing if you aren't going to show anybody?" Was what she said that convinced him to do it. He just said that she had to do it with him and she agreed.

They sung a duet together. Makoto expected most people to fawn over Sayaka's voice and that was part of the reason why he asked her to sing with him; to take the attention off of him.

That didn't really work. He heard girls talk about him and he heard Leon call him a 'fuckin' fag' under his breath as he turned away from their class's group. Makoto wasn't sure what that meant. He had to look it up and he wasn't pleased with the results.

That was the first time Makoto ever questioned his sexuality.

Leon said it to his face one time and Makoto punched him.

He got put in detention and there was another boy there too. He wasn't really mad; it was a break from singing practice with Sayaka.

Makoto was bored so he asked why 'the boy' was in detention.

"I insulted Fukawa."

Makoto had trouble remembering who that was and 'the boy' could tell. He sighed. "The one with the braids."

"Ohhh! Her." Makoto nods in response, before grinning. "What did you call her?"

'The boy' grinned slightly too, pushing his glasses up on his nose. The more Makoto looked at 'the boy', the more he realized that the glasses actually suited him. It was hard to pull off glasses, in his opinion.

"Well, I.." 'The boy' looked away, crossing his arms. "I won't repeat all of it, as I somewhat regret what I said, but," he glanced around the room before turning back to Makoto, "I called her an 'effing' pig and the sensei must have heard. Fukawa usually doesn't mind."

Makoto chuckles lightly.

"Do you not like swearing or something?" He asks, and 'the boy' nods. He pushed his glasses up on his nose again and Makoto seemed mesmerized, almost.

"Wait- what's your name? You're in my class, right?" Makoto asked another question. 'The boy' furrowed his brows and Makoto assumed he was annoyed, but his question was answered anyways.

"My name is Byakuya Togami; Ultimate Affluent Progeny. I'm.. rather surprised you don't already know who I am." Makoto smiled in slight relief. He went to speak but Byakuya spoke again.

"And you're Makoto Naegi.. which makes you the Ultimate Lucky Student— or, as others have been calling you, the Ultimate Hope." Byakuya seemed to grin again. "Why is that?"

Ah.

There it was.

It started with Sayaka Maizono and Byakuya Togami would only feed into that ego of his.

Makoto wondered why he ever let it get this far.

~

It was cold.

Why was it so fucking cold?

Makoto looked down at himself. Ah, right. He was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Where were the blankets. He eyed one at the end of the couch and furrowed his brows, like he was trying to move it with his mind. He couldn't bring himself to get up and grab it.

Who put that blanket there?

Was it him?

Probably. Makoto couldn't remember the last time he used it. It looked nice.

Almost too nice to touch.

Makoto sat up, finally, and groaned as his back cracked further. He leaned over and winced, narrowly grabbing the blanket and pulling it over himself as he laid back down. He reached up and ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes. It was greasy and felt cold to the touch and he wanted to wash it so bad.

He tried to get up again. His brain told his body to move but it didn't move. Why?

Why?

He was asking why to so many questions.

Why couldn't he answer any of them?

Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why?

Why?

What happened to Makoto Naegi?


	2. that bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot more of me slandering sayaka in this chapter :/ sorry sayaka stans but i lowkey dont like her

"It's just embarrassing."

"What is?"

"The whole.. 'Ultimate Hope' thing."

Byakuya insisted that they eat lunch together, and he brought Makoto to a small cafe that was.. surprisingly not too fancy. Byakuya said that this place was his guilty pleasure. It'd been a few days since they got stuck in detention with one another and although they weren't the best of friends, Byakuya expressed that Makoto was one of the more tolerable people in their class.

Byakuya got coffee and complained about how it tasted. Makoto hardly ate.

"What's that supposed to mean? If I weren't as.. dignified as I already am, I would be grateful for such a title; besides, you didn't have much else to begin with.. Luck is hardly a talent." He looked as if he was just bragging now.

Makoto's usually happy expression faltered, and he looked away. He picked at his fingernails and Byakuya sighed, his eyebrows furrowing briefly.

"I didn't mean it— I'm.. sorry." Byakuya struggled to apologize, quite obviously, and Makoto shrugged it off. He knew that Byakuya was right. He wasn't talented before Hope's Peak.

Byakuya sighed again, and almost in annoyance. He pushed his glasses further up onto the bridge of his nose like the way he usually did, taking another sip from the coffee he described as being 'god awful', and Makoto watched in adoration, propping his head up in his hand with his elbow on the table.

Why was he so into this boy?

~

It was possible that Leon was right. Makoto could remember the way he sounded when he said those words: "fuckin' fag." That was what he said. Even now Makoto could remember the exact way he sounded. He remembered the ice in his tone and the look in his eyes.

Where was Leon now?

Makoto thought that he was in a better place now. Makoto's name was still relevant. He was on covers of magazines and still had a name for himself. He made money just laying on his fucking couch and where was Leon? Where the fuck was Leon?

Come to think of it, where was Sayaka?

He never heard of her that much anymore either.

Sayaka.

Fuck Sayaka Maizono.

~

The first time Sayaka ever blew up on him like that came as a shock. It was unexpected, and unfamiliar; foreign, even. Part of Makoto wanted to yell back, but the other part swallowed up that thought and devoured it whole. That part of him told him to hide away underneath of his blankets like he did when he was a child. In that moment, he felt like a child. He felt the way he did when it was late and there was a thunderstorm, when he couldn't run to mom's room and tell her what happened. She'd be mad.

Mom always got mad over little things.

So, he hid underneath his blankets and cried into his pillow. He didn't remember the tears stopping and all of a sudden it was the next day. He wondered how it passed by like that, all so suddenly.

Life went on as usual. Sayaka had done the same thing over and over again— he wasn't fazed after the first few times. He wondered why he accepted her apologies, even if he could see straight through them.

Sayaka put him back on another diet of that lemon water stuff. He could only really stand it because it tasted nice, but he honestly hated it. He was starting to get sick of the taste because he drank it so much, but he didn't risk finding an alternative.

He once suggested that maybe this type of diet wasn't healthy for him. Sayaka brushed that off as easily as he had brushed off Byakuya's rude comment, about his talent— or rather, his lack of talent, but Makoto insisted that it couldn't be doing any good other than keeping his voice healthy.

She blew up on him again over that and Makoto didn't talk to her for several days this time. He was considering letting the 'Ultimate Hope' thing fade from everybody's minds, but he heard Leon shit talking him and Chihiro even questioned why he and Sayaka had drifted apart. It compelled Makoto to apologize and they got back into the swing of things; he didn't bring up the lemon water again.

Weeks felt like seconds to Makoto and it was like the world was turning too fast to handle. Singing practice with Sayaka became a chore and doing his homework was almost impossible now. Kiyotaka often scolded him about late work and Makoto told the prefect off once. He started crying and Mondo got on his case about it but there wasn't really anything Makoto could say. He took the verbal beating and it was gone like the wind. It had no meaning.

All of a sudden, time stopped when he met that boy. It was like one of those cheesy scenes in a movie where the main character would meet the love of their life— the world would stand still for that one moment and it felt like a lifetime within only a second; where their heart beat out of their chest and they forgot to breathe.

But this wasn't a movie, and the feeling he got from this boy wasn't anything at all like he expected.

After all this time had passed, Makoto no longer remembered the feeling of meeting Byakuya for the first time. The most he could recall was it.. being somewhat pleasant, but for the most part, he was too nervous to function. He couldn't remember why that was, either.

~

Makoto remembered the important things, though. He remembered what it was like to walk into Hope's Peak Academy at the start of his freshman year there, he remembered the look on Sayaka's face when he agreed to singing lessons, and more importantly, he remembered Byakuya.

Ah, Byakuya.

His presence was inviting to Makoto when others would have thought otherwise. He was blunt, but Makoto liked that. Everybody else never got straight to the point. Makoto never had to go searching for an answer when he was around Byakuya and he liked that especially. It was difficult as is for him— he was never the brightest.

...Brain made of rocks, remember?

Sayaka even expressed her distaste for the heir when Makoto had first become so infatuated in him, and that was the first time Makoto had ever felt provoked to hit a girl. He didn't, of course, but the thought of hitting her and watching her cry still lingered in the back of his mind today. It was gross and Makoto knew it, but the part of his brain that was eaten up by sheer panic was still very much alive and living in the back of his empty mind.

He wanted her to cry the way he did. He wanted her to feel what it was like to feel so betrayed by the person closest to you— but Makoto would never admit that she knew everything there was to know about him. He'd never admit that she was his closest friend even though she went about spewing his personal information like it was nothing.

Makoto then realized that she knew him better than he knew her.

It seemed like a very one-sided relationship, in retrospect.

Huh.

Maybe Makoto really was just dumb.

~

Makoto invited Byakuya to the beach with him one time. It was nice, being alone, and not just in that cafe for once like when they had lunch together that one time. There, people knew them. They knew their names, where they went to school— who wouldn't? Hope's Peak was the most prestigious school in the country, and soon maybe even the world, with branches opening overseas. Hell, there was an entire TV program about the new students who would be attending each year.

Byakuya said that he didn't swim often and that this was a 'one time thing' but Makoto doubted that was true.

Makoto sat in the shallow waves and it was almost like he could feel Byakuya's familiar blue eyes boaring into his back. Byakuya had set up an umbrella and a towel a few feet away and everytime Makoto glanced back to him, he quickly looked the other way with a weird expression on his face. He wasn't great at hiding things either. It was always so painfully obvious. It made Makoto laugh and he could've sworn he saw Byakuya grin at him again from afar.

It took a lot of convincing to actually get Byakuya to swim with him that day.

When he finally got Byakuya into the water, he complained about not being able to see. He left his glasses on the towel back by all of their things and he clung to Makoto for the majority of the time. It'd been a while since he went to the ocean.

"You're tiny."

Makoto laughed. "What? You can't even see."

Byakuya 'tsk'ed and crossed his arms, still in the shallower parts of the water to where he could at least stay standing. "I know! You don't have to tell me something I already know.. I just- ..." He thought of a way to word this without it being weird. "I was- I was watching you earlier, while you were splashing around," Makoto raised an eyebrow at this but let him finish his sentence, "and your body is just- ..small. It looks like you hardly ever eat."

"That's because I don't."

"What?"

"What?" Makoto changed the topic. 

~

Makoto was now in the shower. He'd managed to get himself up off of that couch, and god did it feel nice.

He had a.. get-together? With someone. He didn't know who, exactly, but it was for some weird interview type of deal and he was forced to at least look presentable.

He heard that Sayaka was going to be there and hoped he wouldn't do anything irrational. The last time he saw her all he could think about was how he wanted to slam her body through the glass coffee table in his living room and listen to her yell. It was weird. Makoto never thought of that before and he'd forgotten he even thought of it until now.

The interview went smoothly. It was between him and a few other upcoming artists and idols, but he and Sayaka were supposed to be the eyecatchers. Makoto took a strange amount of pride in that and wondered why he did so.

Sayaka still hadn't changed.

The both of them were nearly 30 years old and she still acted like a highschooler. It was embarrassing. She was asked about her highschool years, what Hope's Peak was like, and she talked about Makoto as if he wasn't sitting in the same room as her.

He watched her, his eyebrows furrowed and his fists clenching and unclenching rhythmically.

"I basically made him who he was."

No, you didn't.

"He wouldn't be here without me and my vocal training— he got help he wouldn't have gotten elsewhere."

Makoto stood up and Sayaka looked over at him. Even now, she was still taller. She was wearing heels, too. The ugly ones. They were too tall and every time she took a step she wobbled. She even fell once and Makoto laughed on accident. He thought she looked kind of trashy, mostly, but she always looked trashy.

"What, Makoto? I'm only telling the truth‐ your voice was awful.. you should be glad."

"Glad?" He asked. "GLAD is what I should be? You-" He stammered through the words. "You ruined my fucking life," he hissed, and she could only laugh.

"Ruined? You did that yourself." She scoffed at him and thanked the interviewer, going to leave. She wanted to make that dramatic exit; she wanted the last laugh, but Makoto already left before her and he was fuming.

She couldn't let him have one thing, could she?

That bitch.

~

The next time there was a school function, it was a festival. Sayaka would perform, then Ibuki and so on. The school had brought in other singers and performers that were alumni of the school so it didn't cost them much; some wanted compensation, others were fine performing for the school they graduated from because 'it had treated them so well' as if that wasn't some bullshit lie.

Makoto was happy to not see Sayaka for most of the day. She was the opening act so of course she had to be ready.

So he spent the majority of the day with Byakuya. They got food from stands set up around campus that the heir would often say was 'plebian compared to what he usually ate' —Byakuya liked using the word 'plebian' a lot— and sometimes they enjoyed it. Makoto wasn't unfamiliar with what Byakuya liked and disliked now. Makoto could actually call Byakuya his friend, too, without the other overreacting. It was nice.

He could be himself around Byakuya without it being weird, or without Sayaka telling him to shut up. Sure, Byakuya did tell him to shut up sometimes, but it was always with a grin on his face so that had to count for something, right?

Well, that wasn't the point, he was just glad that someone appreciated his company enough to at least message him often. Sayaka did message him often, but only about practice. Not about his wellbeing.

That was the difference between Byakuya and Sayaka. In Makoto's mind, he would put the two at a side by side comparison and mark off the traits they shared with one another. They were scarily similar, but scarily different too. It was odd.

Byakuya would message him at night and ask him how he was doing; he'd ask about any good books he'd read lately(and Makoto would always say that he never had time), if he'd eaten yet today, etc. It was one of the ways Byakuya showed he cared about somebody other than himself and it warmed Makoto's heart to know that he was one of those special people.

On the other hand, Sayaka would message him pictures of online articles talking about her and her 'apprentice' which he could only assume to he him. She'd ask him about practicing more than a few times a week and Makoto had to refuse at some point. This would become his entire life if he didn't and Makoto didn't want that.

Makoto learned the hard way that it didn't matter what he wanted or didn't want. It never did.

~

"—Makoto."

Makoto didn't know what to think at the current moment. His eyes were wide and his breathing was unsteady. His heart was racing and his face was flushed.

"Makoto!"

Sayaka's voice grew even louder in his ears and Byakuya shook him by the shoulder. "Makoto, she's calling you up on stage."

Oh, right. Sayaka was performing first. It was her last song of the night and she said that she needed help from someone because it was meant to be a duet— a romantic one, at that. Makoto recognized the song name when Sayaka said it and he felt as if he would die right then and there.

She insisted they work on this song at practice. This time, her bullshit excuse was that he needed to work on duets because he'd be bound to sing one in the future. For some reason he bought it and went along with it.

The peer pressure got to him when other people in the ground started chanting his name. Byakuya was able to tell just how upset Makoto visibly was by this, and tried to comfort him but he was already walking up to the stage with Sayaka.

Here, he felt a bit out of place. He felt as if he needed to look better in front of all these people. He wasn't dressed to the nines like Sayaka. He didn't have anything special done to his hair and he didn't look as shiny and new as she did. He wondered how she did this; how she got on a stage and performed like this in front of millions at a time. The audience here was nothing compared to that of a concert hall rented out specifically for one of her group's concerts, but it still felt as if one wrong move and nobody here would let him live it down.

So he sung. The music started and Sayaka began on her opening note. With shaky hands he gripped the microphone and squeezed his eyes shut, almost as tightly as he was squeezing the microphone, and before he knew it the song had ended and Sayaka's lips were on his.

The crowd went silent for a moment before erupting into more cheers. She pulled away and he had her lipstick smeared on his mouth.

So much for saving his first kiss, huh..

He looked out onto the crowd in search of Togami. Makoto couldn't find him there so his eyes darted around to every possible exit. He found the heir attempting to leave and immediately dropped the microphone. He was off the stage before it hit the ground and it made a loud noise that made almost everybody cover their ears.

Almost.

Makoto ran after Byakuya as fast as his legs could take him. He cursed himself for being so short and his legs for being too little. He could hardly keep up. Why did Byakuya have to be so tall?

That was another thing Makoto liked about Byakuya, but now wasn't the time to think about that.

By the time he found Byakuya, it was dark. He was out of breath and his throat hurt from panting so much. His legs and feet were sore and Byakuya was sitting by the fountain, closer to the east wing of the school and parallel to the one at the west wing. His expression was hard and he was tapping his foot nervously.

Makoto approached, out of breath, and watched in (somewhat)silence as Byakuya stood up. He waited for the smaller boy to regain himself before speaking.

"I.. didn't know you were dating her, Naegi."

Makoto was confused. "D-Dating? I'm not dating her! Why would I date her?!" He asked, and Byakuya looked away.

"Why.. why wouldn't you? She's into you, isn't she? She's an idol, for fuck's sake." He sounded so angry and it sounded so weird leaving his mouth. He sounded as if he didn't want to say it. 

That was the first time Makoto ever heard Byakuya swear like that and he wasn't sure if it was his fault.

"Byakuya, please, I—" He struggled with the words but Byakuya hardly gave him enough time to speak.

"She likes you, Makoto. I can tell. Everybody can tell. Everybody— ..." He went silent. "Everybody but me wants you two to be together. Can't you tell, or are you really just that stupid?"

There was no apology that followed that comment, and Makoto chewed at his fingernails while he thought of a response. Byakuya sighed in disgust and grabbed his hand so he would stop, prompting Makoto to intertwine their fingers. "I-I guess I'm just that stupid."

Byakuya's expression hardened and he pulled his hand away. "Well, who's fault is that?" He wiped that hand on his jacket and stepped away from Makoto, glancing back a maximum of one time before he turned forwards and walked away. Makoto stayed standing there by the fountain and looked down into the water. He stared at his own reflection before suddenly the water rippled, and distorted it. There was a wetness on his cheeks.

He wiped it away but more tears poured down his face, and he sunk to his knees. What was happening to him?

He gripped the edge of the fountain just a little harder and gritted his teeth.

"I want to be with you," is what he should have said.

"I don't like Sayaka," was what he should've followed up with.

"I love you," was what he was thinking.

Maybe he should have said that instead.

~

_Can I walk in the light with you, for just a little while longer?_

~

Suddenly, Sayaka was behind him. He was still hunched over the fountain crying and she approached quietly. The only way Makoto knew to look back was from the 'tap tap tap' of her heels on the walkway as she walked up.

She offered a sympathetic smile and sat down on her knees beside him, placing a hand on his back and rubbing. Makoto immediately wrapped his arms around her and cried into her chest. She smiled again.

"It's okay; I'm here now. I won't let him talk to you like that again, okay?" He nodded and cried harder. Her smile only grew wider. "Why did you run after him? You knew it was going to end this way.. you should've stayed up there with me. I told you that he was bad news. Why didn't you listen?"

He didn't answer, and she sighed. "The crowd was cheering for you, and you only.. you know that?"

Makoto lifted his head up and shook his head. "R-Really?" He asked, and she nodded again and continued to stroke through his hair.

"Really, Makoto. They all were doing it for you. You did so well."

He made a happy noise and slumped back against her chest.

"Do you want to be with me?"

He didn't move for a while after being asked that. Slowly, he nodded, and she made a happy noise too.

"Good boy."


	3. deceit; the action or practice of deceiving someone by concealing or misrepresenting the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo irls and people i actually fucking know dont read this shit please

"Good boy," Sayaka snickered as she stroked through Makoto's hair.

~

Dating Sayaka felt nice, for a while. The first week of their relationship was like the calm before the storm. Part of Makoto almost forgot that they were actually in a relationship when he came into school the following Monday after the festival. He was merely reminded by girls from the reserve department surrounding him to ask questions before he entered the building and dirty looks from Byakuya and Toko, who was lagging behind the heir the whole way to class.

He was flustered when Sayaka grabbed his hand and walked with him to first period. It made him get butterflies in his stomach, but not the same kind of butterflies he got from Byakuya. Makoto was reminded of those feelings as he walked into homeroom and Byakuya looked at him again from his desk in the back. He was talking to Celeste about something and Makoto did his best to listen through Sayaka talking in his ear the whole time.

He spent weeks in this position. He felt stuck between a reputation he now had to maintain (for Sayaka's sake, of course) and singing lessons to attend, and a relationship with Byakuya that he'd be forced to mend at one point or another.

It was like hell.

~

Even with their newfound relationship, Sayaka still had no remorse for his mistakes and wasn't any more lenient than she usually was with him breaking his "diet". Could it really be called a diet at this point? Was lemon water and hot tea really considered a diet? It sure wasn't a healthy one.

He often attempted to ask for breaks and such things, for example, maybe just a day away from singing and sometimes she obliged him. It wasn't often, but he was thankful for what she did give him even if she wouldn't let him break the diet.

It was no shocker that he was stressed beyond belief, but what was shocking was that he actually got sick from it.

"What do you mean? You aren't getting sick! It's all just in your head," Sayaka spoke, stroking Makoto's head lovingly before recoiling the hand.

"Hey, wait— you actually are burning up, are you—"

"I-I'm fine, I'm fine.." He slapped her hand away as she reached up to feel his head again, and she then placed her hands on her hips, a pout forming on her pink painted lips.

"But you just said—"

"I know what I said." Makoto gritted his teeth at her, before mumbling something under his breath and walking off. She began to follow him, about to start screaming her head off about how he couldn't just skip out on practice and how he had a commitment —to both practicing and to her, but more so to practicing— and that he couldn't leave like this, but he scowled back at her and left the music room in such a hurry that you'd think he was running for his life.

In a way, he kind of was.

He shoved the heavy door of the room closed and sprinted down the hallway, nearly tripping on his own untied shoelaces down the stairs to the 3rd floor and slamming into the wall on the way. Makoto winced, but he continued on his way to his locker to grab all of his things and call Komaru to come get him.

He fumbled with the locker combination for multiple minutes before finally getting it open, only for a book to tumble out and fall right onto his foot. As if today couldn't get any worse.

Makoto recovered from that minor setback rather quickly, and was just about to call Komaru when he realized the reason his phone wasn't turning on was because it was dead. His face dropped, and he knew that he'd just have to walk home and hope for the best. Sure, he could've spent the night in his dorm, but he hadn't spent a single day in there and it was cold and lonely and he would just feel worse, so he began on his way home.

He hardly made it to the door of the academy before his legs gave out under him and he collapsed. Makoto wasn't sure what happened during the time he was out, and he didn't know how long it'd been, but it couldn't have been long. When he came to, he was in the school's infirmary with a wet rag on his forehead and a familiar man pacing the room.

The sight of the blond made his heart palpitate in his chest and made him sit up, immediately groaning and reaching up to rub his head. The rag slid off of his forehead and Byakuya walked over, in his usual manner. He seemed more urgent than he usually did, and with hesitance, Byakuya put his hand on Makoto's head to check his temperature. Makoto looked down at the rag, feverishly, and then back to Byakuya. He leaned into that touch but it wasn't long before it was taken away. "I've called Komaru, and your phone is.. somewhat charged." He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"What?" Byakuya ignored that inquiry.

"Keep me posted on your condition. Text me, or.. something. I'd much rather prefer it if you called, but do what you must."

Makoto stared at him, mouth agape, and Byakuya walked out, leaving Makoto to overthink that entire conversation.

~

Byakuya slumped back against the door as he left the infirmary. He took his glasses off for a moment and pressed his head into his hands, standing there for a moment to collect himself before he felt a tap on his shoulder and he was jolted back into reality.

Quickly, he put his glasses back on to look down at what previously was a familiar mop of blue hair standing in front of him with her hands on her hips and that same pout from earlier. At least with his glasses he could actually make out her face. He kind of wished he'd left them off.

"God," he mumbled, shaking his head. "What do you want, Maizono?"

"What I want is for you to move away from the door! Yasuhiro told me he saw you carrying my boyfriend in there!" She shouted, her eyebrows furrowing and her pout dropping. She just seemed plain mad now. "What's wrong with him? What happened? Did he pass out?" She started bombarding Byakuya with questions instead of just pushing past him to go inside.

Byakuya scowled at her before stepping aside. "He clearly has a fever, are you that stupid? He was just with you. Did he not even say anything?" He glanced back to the infirmary's door and rolled his eyes, as if he were rolling them at Makoto. Sayaka rolled her eyes too and opened the door. Makoto was already asleep again.

She sighed, and turned her head back to Byakuya as he started to walk away. "Stay away from my boyfriend, got it?" She hissed, causing Byakuya to turn back around. "Just because you two were friends doesn't mean he's.. like you."

Byakuya's fists clenched and unclenched rhythmically. "What is that even supposed to mean?"

"It means just because you two were all buddy-buddy doesn't mean he's gay like you. Stop trying to convert him." She sounded so disgusted, and Byakuya looked even more disgusted.

"I'm not—" She walked into the infirmary and slammed the door, "—gay." He didn't even get to finish his sentence.

That bitch.

Byakuya adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat, straightened his jacket, and made sure nobody was around to hear that conversation before he walked away and went home for the weekend.

~

Makoto did end up calling Byakuya, like he said. Had Makoto had no decency, he would've just left a text after he made a recovery from his unknown illness and went on with his life. He wouldn't admit it, but Byakuya was the first one he told. Not even Sayaka knew; she was the last person he wanted to know about this. It'd be back to singing lessons and dieting and Makoto already wanted to kill himself because of that; he couldn't handle much more.

Byakuya invited Makoto to the beach this time. It shocked Makoto and the heir could agree that it was uncharacteristic. Makoto declined that offer at first, although he accepted with a little reluctance but only if they could go later in the day; he got sunburnt badly after the last time they went, even with sunblock. Byakuya agreed to those terms.

They didn't spend a lot of their time in the water. Makoto spent it building a sandcastle while Byakuya explained to him why he flipped out like that. Makoto knew something was missing from his story, but he was never one to pry. That was rude, in his opinion, even if he didn't mind when Byakuya did the same to him.

Makoto now realized that he'd always made exceptions for Byakuya; he gave him what he could only describe as privileges that he gave nobody else; he wouldn't tell anybody but Byakuya what the passcode to his phone was(it was Komaru's birthday) and not even Sayaka knew it. She didn't stick around for long enough to listen to anything he said but there were times when she did.

Of course, he wouldn't give her his password regardless. It was just something Makoto noticed.

"You're still tiny," Byakuya tells him, as he sinks into the shallow water finally. Makoto followed suit, and stayed where Byakuya could at least swim to him since he didn't want to get his hair wet.

"Well, yeah.. it's only been a few weeks since we last talked." He pouts, and Byakuya rolls his eyes while taking off his glasses to wipe them off.

"I mean— you've gotten tinier." He almost looked concerned. Makoto nodded, now understanding what he meant by that.

He hadn't actually looked at himself in a while. When he showered, he let the mirror stay foggy as he dried his body. He kept his eyes closed while he was bathing. Anything to avoid realizing what he had become.

~

Even with these efforts being made it still wasn't unknown how weak he'd become. He was reminded of how weak he was everyday when his arms would give out under the weight of a couple of textbooks at school, or how his wrist would tremble when he tried to pick up a cup that was just a little too heavy.

He was angry; he just never had the energy to show it. He was angry at a lot of things.

Even now he was still angry at a lot of things, but what could be done about that? This wasn't some petty highschool drama that he was involved with in his later years at Hope's Peak and even middle school before he went there— he was in the real world. What was there to do about his problems? There were no guidance counselors, even if all they did was make things worse, and even if he did try to go to someone he always felt as if it was a juvenile thing to do.

He was almost 30 years old. He should've had his life figured out by now, right? He should've been happy where he was at now and settled down, with or without a partner by his side. He should've been happy.

Makoto often thought about all of the things he never did and things he still has to accomplish.

He still got confused by the washing machine and he still got scared turning the stove on, but those were easy things to get over.

Makoto just didn't like what he had to do next.

~

Getting over Byakuya is something Makoto thought he did a long time ago. He must've been wrong, because he knew for a fact that every time he drank or got high he'd start crying about all his regrets, and never telling Byakuya he loved him back was the biggest one on his list.

Originally, Makoto planned on going home after that stupid interview with all of those stupid people, but he missed the bus —oh, right, another regret of his was that he never learned how to drive— and he didn't really feel like waiting around for the next one.

The closest thing around was a bar and Makoto knew it was a bad idea, but he went inside regardless and ordered drinks (and let other people buy him drinks) until he couldn't see straight. It felt nice at the beginning but he was cut off after about his 8th shot and sat there for the rest of the night until he was sober enough to walk. It was dark when he got up.

His mind, of course, drifted back to highschool. It always did. Makoto thought about his first 'date' and the feeling of sleeping in his boy's bed afterwards. He thought about how he was the big spoon and thought about how often he'd spent the night at his place; how often Sayaka questioned if he was cheating on her or not.

He was, but she didn't find out for a while.

Makoto sighed and looked to the clock on the wall. He couldn't read it; his vision was too blurry so he asked the bartender what time it was and decided it was probably time to leave.

He stood up from his stool and winced, his head already starting to pound as he stumbled his way to the door with partially closed eyes. Makoto bumped into people's sides and tripped over shoes in his path to the exit, mumbling fake apologies and just trying to leave.

He knocked into someone's chest as he reached the door. Makoto wobbled backwards, closing his eyes and holding his head. "God damnit," he muttered.

"Makoto?"

Makoto's eyes opened up wide. He actually felt sober now despite how much he had drank. He lifted his head from his hands slowly, and he was met with Byakuya.

He was still handsome.

Byakuya hardly got a word out before Makoto threw himself into the (former) heir's arms. Byakuya didn't mind, and he wrapped his arms around Makoto in an embrace.

"You're still.. tiny."

Makoto smiled.

"Am I?"

~

Byakuya insisted upon taking Makoto home from the beach that night, although Makoto didn't want to leave. It may have been dark out and cold but Makoto often didn't just get to listen to the sound of the waves crashing against the sand, and now was his opportunity.

Byakuya obliged him easier than Makoto would've thought and sat down beside him. Their shoulders were touching and neither of them minded.

Makoto couldn't remember how exactly they ended up kissing that night, but he could vividly remember the feeling.

He was able to remember how Byakuya's hands felt as they trailed up his waist and underneath the shirt that he'd just put back on, and he remembered how he was pulled up into Byakuya's lap. He remembered how their noses brushed together when they kissed. It made Makoto giggle and Byakuya grinned at him, before they continued on.

The feeling was almost intoxicating; far better than anything he'd get drunk on in the future. He could've spent hours like that, in Byakuya's lap,

He pulled Makoto up and off of his lap and mumbled to him to gather their things, leaving one last peck on his lips before beginning to pack everything up. That would hold him over until they would be able to do.. whatever that was again.

Makoto stood there in a daze for a few moments, before he decided to help Byakuya put everything away into the trunk of his car. Did he actually just make out with Byakuya? He was still thinking about this by the time he got into the passenger seat and the car started up. Byakuya had to remind him to buckle his seat belt more than once, but they were soon on the road once more to go home.

"I.. suppose I should take you home then." Byakuya cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Can I spend the night at your place?"

Byakuya looked surprised, but he nodded. "O-Of course, do you want the spare room?"

"No." Makoto smiled.

"Th-Then where will yo—"

"Your bed; with you. Duh."

"O-Oh- right.. very well, then."

~

"Who's the lucky lady?"

The question made Byakuya almost choke on the drink he ordered. He looked confused but Makoto motioned to the wedding band on his finger and gave him a sad look. 

"She isn't important." He took the ring off and set it on the bar. "Just divorced, anyway. I keep forgetting to throw out the ring."

Makoto nodded solemnly, but secretly he couldn't be happier. The love of his life just had a divorce; he was lonely; vulnerable. Makoto hadn't realized how different his thought process was now compared to back then.

"Well, since you're a free man now," Makoto mumbled, moving his hand over to rest on Byakuya's inner thigh, "what do you say to a celebration, huh? Surely, you must be dyin' to have a little fun, right? Although, you never were the type to 'party'.."

"And? I'm a.. changed man now, aren't I? I'm not the same as I was in highschool. I know that you certainly aren't— n-not that that's a bad thing, of course.." He cleared his throat awkwardly.

Makoto rolled his eyes, but made no moves to stop what his hand was doing. "Alright then, let's go." He grinned. Byakuya once again seemed confused.

"Go where?"

"My place. Duh."

"Right." Byakuya let himself smile. "Very well, then."


End file.
